Today, with the help of two anonymous informants, we were able to secure the identity and residence of GB, and he is unequivocally NOT the landlord. His name is Jerry, and the police are coming his way. Lay low, Jerry. Lay low.
Unfortunately, these informants were GB sympathizers, as they described him as “a nice guy” who “wouldn’t do that.” They also informed us that there’s apparently a Champaign municipal code that disallows parking bike next to the sidewalk, but this seems ludicrous to me, and a search of the online municipal code database turns nothing up. Not to mention, the police officer never mentioned that our bike was violating code. I put the decoy inside anyway.